The year 2008 is now at hand. I am now facing, entering the new year with no glimpse or idea of what is instored for me for the whole year. As usual, I started thinking of new resolutions and stuff. I tried putting into words and actions what should be changed and what should be left behind in the past year. Grudges and hatred over people, addiction to certain things and persons. However, something has struck me wondering, should I really leave all these behind me? Is it really essential for me to change?
I got into asking the question when I thought of the horrible things I did. Take for example this officemate of mine, Rhea. For the whole year around, I did nothing but to pick on her. I always found it to be really fun and oftentimes, I burst out in boisterous laughter. But what I really didn't realilze at that time was that, could the joke be funny to Rhea as well? A few months before the year end, I just noticed Rhea being transfered to a different department.
I became intrigued as to why she was transferred. She never did explain to me why and I knew she wouldn't. I got wildly furious about her transfer. As to why, I really don't know. Maybe, at some point, I was jealous of her for being transferred to a different department. Or maybe, I was just that curious and I became convulsed for I cannot satisfy my own curiosity. Because of the wild rage of my impulse, I needed an outlet. Thus, I was making and concluding ideas which I know, was not totally suant. I even wrote articles about office politics, sleekly targeting my boss. I put the blame on her for transferring Rhea to a different department.
The grudge for both Rhea and my boss stayed with me for several months. It all changed when boyfriend and I got into a fight one night. It was then my boyfriend told me that he could not understand why I need to pick on someone. And so, the truth behind Rhea's transfer was unveiled. My boyfriend told me that she was transferred to a different department because my boss had pity on her for she was always the center of a joke. My boss thought that Rhea was facing unjust treatment and she should be transferred to prevent further damage to her. And there it was. It hit me like a big yellow taxi. I never thought the reason would be that devastating..and all because of me. I wanted to react, to say something, but no words can be scribbled from my mind. I burst into tears not knowing why.
I thought about what I did all night and tried to think of ways on how to undo everything. However, no matter how deep I thought of a solution, I always come up to the same conclusion. All is done and cannot be undone. Memories then flashed on my mind. Rhea was one of the first people I became friends with in the office. And my boss, was the reason why I took the job because I thought she was just too cool to be a manager. And then I asked myself, why in the world did I do these things to the people whom I looked upon? Was I just merely stupid or I just had nothing to do with my life so I try to mess up others?
I had to do something about it. I can't afford to be the miss evil,plastic, sarcastic bitch that I was. So, I took the opportunity during our christmas party. I made a peace treaty to Rhea and I was strucked. I saw a certain smile on her face that I have never seen during my jokes on her. I was relieved. I felt like a five ton weight was lifted from my shoulders. As to my boss, I gave her a card. I don't really know if she considered it as sincere, but I hope she did. I just don't have the courage to tell her what I've done. But atleast, now, I know I've done my part.
After looking back at the things that happened in 2007, i came up with a conclusion. It is better to leave the past behind and move on to days ahead of me. Change is indeed essential. Though, memories would still remain and is inevitably impossible to extirpate, it will just serve as a lesson to be learned.
